Disability and Geekery

or: How I Learned to Avoid Toxic Situations and Love Myself

Autism and Holidays

Holidays are a great thing. Time for yourself. Time to learn the stuff your school threw out of the curriculum in favor of torturing autistic kids PE. Time to create something. You get the idea.

But it’s also a large chunk of unscheduled time. And that’s where the problems start. The pressure that in combination with autism caused your depression in the first place is suddenly gone and the sun and physical work around the garden give you an extra serotonin boost. Your meds are now redundant and make you a hyperactive ball of energy. Which would be a good thing if they wouldn’t only have side effects when starting and stopping taking them. So you slowly reduce the dose before stopping. You’re overly emotional and very vulnerable. People are angry at you because you change what you’re doing to your body without telling them as if they had a right to know everything about you. 

Your depression is gone and you can take a break from your meds after stopping them messed with your mind. But that doesn’t change another problem: You have nothing to do.

Sure, you still want to get better at programming in Assembly and Haskell, continue working on the dozen of projects you started but never completed and catch up on your yearly reading goal but without a fixed schedule you just don’t get anything done. Without anything to do you don’t have a reason to get out of bed. It’s a rarity to see you before noon. Your depression is still definitely gone but you’re lethargic as hell.You have an idea. You take the pocket calendar you got from your insurance company and plan your day. Thoroughly. People suddenly stop complaining about your hyperactivity. Your stuff gets done. Everyone is happy. 

 

—— What holidays do to me and how I learned to deal with them.

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